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  26 Feb 03 11:59 AM | Edit Reply | Jokes
reZin
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Dundee
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Im bored, anyone know any good jokes?
  26 Feb 03 12:01 PM | Edit Reply | RE: Jokes
1o1o1o1010
204 Posts

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Posted by Rezin:Im bored, anyone know any good jokes?

what time do the kids in mathew kellys house go to bed?


  26 Feb 03 02:23 PM | Edit Reply | dont know
reZin
123 Posts
Dundee
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???
  26 Feb 03 04:58 PM | Edit Reply | ?
chestnut
5 Posts
auld reekie.
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spit it oot : D
  26 Feb 03 11:07 PM | Edit Reply | RE: Jokes
1o1o1o1010
204 Posts

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Posted by Rezin:Im bored, anyone know any good jokes?

Answer: when the big hand touches the little hand!


  27 Feb 03 11:54 AM | Edit Reply | sick
demagod
106 Posts

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cunt.

lol
  27 Feb 03 12:44 PM | Edit Reply | jokes
reZin
123 Posts
Dundee
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Not bad. Anyone else got any jokes?
  27 Feb 03 05:37 PM | Edit Reply | ....
chestnut
5 Posts
auld reekie.
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Q. Whats the worst thing you can do to stevie wonder when he's doing the ironing?


A.......phone him..... ssssssizzlin!


Q.what did the woman do when she found out that her husband was gay!?

A. turned her back on him and took it like a MAN!!!


guffaw.
  27 Feb 03 05:38 PM | Edit Reply | RE: ....
duncan
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901 Posts
Glasgow
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Posted by chestnut:Q. Whats the worst thing you can do to stevie wonder when he's doing the ironing?


A.......phone him..... ssssssizzlin!



speaking of Stevie Wonder, did you know he's not seen his wife in years?
  28 Feb 03 01:56 PM | Edit Reply | jokes
reZin
123 Posts
Dundee
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Q: What do Osama Bin Laden and crabs have in common?

A: They both irritate bush.
  28 Feb 03 02:34 PM | Edit Reply | jokes
demagod
106 Posts

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Q.Whats the difference between a good woman and a good wank?






A. You can beat a woman but you cant beat a good wank!
  28 Feb 03 03:28 PM | Edit Reply | jokeR
LYNARD
245 Posts
littlerock, arkinsas
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Q. What do you say to a women with 2 black eyes?




A. Nothing, you told her twice already!
  28 Feb 03 04:29 PM | Edit Reply | jokes
reZin
123 Posts
Dundee
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Q: What do you do if you see a weegie with half a head?





A: Stop laughing and reload!
  02 Mar 03 09:06 PM | Edit Reply | joke
UnExpected
227 Posts
glasgow
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michael jackson and mathew kelly are sittin on a park bench.........a five year old walks by and matthew says...........she would have been a ride back in her day
  03 Mar 03 06:57 PM | Edit Reply | hee hee haw haw
cOPY
226 Posts
g-gow land of the g-strings
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Q.whats the difference between tiger woods and princess diana





A.tiger woods has a better driver!
  03 Mar 03 07:34 PM | Edit Reply | achey1
LYNARD
245 Posts
littlerock, arkinsas
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what does NASA stand for?



need another seven astronauts!
  03 Mar 03 07:47 PM | Edit Reply | RE: achey1
duncan
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901 Posts
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Posted by LYNARD:what does NASA stand for?
need another seven astronauts!


i remember that one from the first shuttle disaster, along with "why do american's drink Coke? because they can't get 7up". which doesn't make sense this time round...
  04 Mar 03 01:27 PM | Edit Reply | jokes
reZin
123 Posts
Dundee
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Q: Have you heard about Michael Jackson's new book?






A: Its called "The in's & out's of rearing children"!
  04 Mar 03 04:48 PM | Edit Reply | sick
demagod
106 Posts

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bastard.

Dema.
  05 Mar 03 12:45 PM | Edit Reply | jokes
reZin
123 Posts
Dundee
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Sick...yet highly amusing!
  07 Mar 03 03:26 PM | Edit Reply | jokes
demagod
106 Posts

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What's the difference between a woman and an aeroplane?

There's only one cockpit in an aeroplane...


What's the difference between a woman and a washing machine?

You can dump your load in a washing machine and it won't call you everyday for a week...
  09 Mar 03 12:54 AM | Edit Reply | old skool
UnExpected
227 Posts
glasgow
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rite this is the first bad joke that i ever learned and its quite long but im gonna say it n e way

rite......there is a little boy and he wants to no how to swear
so 1 day he walks into the bathroom and his dad is shaving wen suddenly he shouts SHIT!!!!!! cos he cuts himself with the razor the little boy then asks him wot shit means and his shocked father replies............shaving foam
then the little boy walks into the kitchen to see her mum cutting the turkey next he hears FUCK!!!!! cos his mum cut herself with the nife he asks wot fuck means and she says it means cutting
next he goes up to his sisters room and shes sittin singin ''tits and balls tits and balls''
he asks her wot they mean and she says hats and coats
so next he goes into his brothers room and hes singin ''bitches and bastards bitches and bastards'' so he askes wot they mean and he replies grannies and granpas
next thing u no the doorbell goes and the boy runs down stairs to answer it
he opens the door and its his gran and grandpa
he says '' hi! bitches and bastards give me ur tits and balls, mums in the kitchen fucking the chicken and dads in the bathroom shaving the shit off of his face''

the end
that joke has stuck in mymind since i was just a little boy
  10 Mar 03 04:38 PM | Edit Reply | f
RevawanSe
23 Posts

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Q: What do you call a sheep tied to a fence in Aberdeen?
A: A leisure center!

...to be continued
  10 Mar 03 04:42 PM | Edit Reply | ah
RevawanSe
23 Posts

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One day, an immigrant from Poland entered a New York Police Precinct to report that his new American wife was planning to kill him.

The Copper on duty was intrigued by this and asked, "How sure are you that she is gonna kill you? I mean, did she threaten to kill you?"

"Nope," replied the nervous immigrant.

"Well, did you hear her tell someone else that she's gonna kill you?"

"Nope."

"Did someone tell you that your wife is gonna kill you?"

"Nope."

"Then why in Christ's name did you think she's gonna kill you?" asked the exasperated police officer.

"Because I found bottle on dresser and I think she gonna poison me!" He handed the police officer the suspect bottle.

The police officer took one look at the label on the bottle and started to laugh out loud. The immigrant became indignant and said,

"Hey man, what so funny? Can't you see the label on bottle said, 'Polish Remover'?"
  10 Mar 03 07:39 PM | Edit Reply | lmfao
UnExpected
227 Posts
glasgow
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fuck me sideways that was a funny joke!!!!!!!
  10 Mar 03 09:20 PM | Edit Reply | OHHH OHH
RevawanSe
23 Posts

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tis alot funnier when a man had a few joints...when he wakes up :)
  11 Mar 03 12:56 AM | Edit Reply | the jokes
fish
10 Posts
greenock
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why do women fake orgasms?....

cos they think men care



how do you get a one armed blonde out a tree?

wave.



i got some really sick ass baby jokes... anyone wanna hear em?!!?


run run as fast as you can, you cant catch me im the gingerbread man.
  11 Mar 03 09:36 AM | Edit Reply | sick lokes
reZin
123 Posts
Dundee
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Too right, bring em on!

Anything to brighten up my sad, depressing day...
  11 Mar 03 10:19 AM | Edit Reply | RE: sick lokes
1o1o1o1010
204 Posts

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Posted by Rezin:Too right, bring em on!

Anything to brighten up my sad, depressing day...

Heres one...
What do you get if you pour hot water over someone from dundee?




Answer: A new flavour for pot knoodle!


  11 Mar 03 08:25 PM | Edit Reply | a man
UnExpected
227 Posts
glasgow
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a man walks into abar and asks for a pint of beer and a packet of prwan coctail crisps
he then notices a leper sittin in the corner
he eats and drink and then stares at the leper wen suddenly he pukes up
he orders the same again and over and over he pukes up again!
so the leper walks over to the man whos staring at him and says
''here mate have u got a problem wae me ''
and the man replies ''not with u, it the man sittin next to u dipping his chips into ur neck''


not so funny just rather sick and disgusting heheheh i hope none of u are eating
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